


Exes and Ohs

by Profitina



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Exes, F/M, Gen, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:20:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25103827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Profitina/pseuds/Profitina
Summary: Diego, Kyle and Max get drunk on tequila and talk about Liz.
Relationships: Max Evans/Liz Ortecho
Kudos: 14





	Exes and Ohs

Liz had asked Max to keep Diego entertained while she was at work for a few hours- with the promise of doing a certain sex act that was usually off limits if he helped her. He definitely would have helped her anyway, but that was definitely a bonus. Walking into the Wild Pony flanked by Diego, Max pauses when he sees Kyle sitting by himself cradling a whiskey at the bartop. 

“What are the odds…” Max mumbles to himself, going over to his friend and clapping him on the back. “What’s up man? Have you met Diego?”

“The ex fiance?” Kyle’s brown eyes bug out comically, before remembering his manners and holding his hand out to Diego. “Nice to meet you.”

Diego shakes the shorter latino man's hands, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “You were her first boyfriend, Kyle.”

“That’s me.” Kyle affirms, realizing they are standing in size order- Diego, to Max then himself. “Do yall want to join me or would that be weird?”

“Not any weirder than us hanging out to begin with.” Max shrugs. He is secure in his relationship with Liz. He knows she loves him, but do all her exes have to have eight pack abs and be so damn attractive? The only thing they all seem to have in common is dark hair and dark eyes. Otherwise the three of them are so different- just like the role they played in Liz’s life story.

“What on earth would we have to talk about?” Diego smirks playfully, plopping down to the right of Kyle, while Max takes the seat on Kyle’s other side on the bar top. He is truly a mountain of a man and if Max were into that sort of thing, he could see where Diego would be the epitome of male perfection. It only makes him slightly insecure. Really. 

Coming around the corner from the staff room, Maria sees Liz’s past and future relationships all sitting in a row and pauses a moment in surprise. Composing herself, she brings over a bottle of tequila. “You guys look like you could use this. Don’t worry, tequila is keto” Maria comments, setting down the entire bottle of wells tequila and three shot glasses in front of them. She is just glad that Michael isn’t here right now because he would be giving his big brother hell.

After they each take a shot of the cheap but cooled tequila, Diego asks, “Do you think she actually loved you or just thought it was what was expected of her?”

Kyle sputters on the shot he just took then coughs. Liz Ortecho puts him in more weird situations than anyone on earth- and she wasn’t even one of the aliens. “Uh. We were only together in high school. I think she enjoyed the protection and popularity of being with me because I played football and she got to wear my letter jacket. She just did it because it was safe. I was the training wheels before she started her life. Good thing too, because it would have been awkward if we had gotten married then found out I was her sister’s half brother.” Kyle shakes his head then takes the lime Max offers him to chase his shot.

Kyle pours himself another shot and takes it, while Max claps him on the back comfortingly. They both know that if Max had ever been brave enough to make a move in high school, Kyle would have been out of the picture. Kyle was just the one brave enough to make a move and had always felt comfortable to her. Rosa and her father had never liked him though- first because he was a douche in high school, and then because Arturo knew Max was the one for his youngest daughter. Max and Diego both follow with a second shot of their own. It’s been over a decade and Max isn’t bitter any more, but it is always weird seeing someone you know has touched your girlfriend. Kyle was her first, but Max will be her last. They are her past loves and he is her forever.

“You guys aren’t technically related. Liz checked your DNA.” Max hiccups. He’s always been a lightweight and two shots of tequila in a short period of time almost has him at his limit.

“She probably checked all of our DNA to see if we were genetically compatible to have children with.” Diego pipes up. He takes another shot, then smiles dreamily. “She always came up with the most genius experiments. Things no one would ever think of, with far reaching implications. She was determined to get a Nobel Prize.”

“She still will someday.” Max says proudly. He just hopes it isn’t using alien DNA that gets her there. He doesn’t need that kind of exposure for himself and his family. 

Kyle pours them all another shot and jubilantly exclaims, “Cheers!” Standing up wobbly on the bottom rungs of his bar stool, Kyle reaches across the bar to grab 3 limes for them. “Woo!” He exclaims, popping a lime in his mouth to suck on and handing the other two men one as well.

“Liz always put the lab over everything. Me. Sex. Feelings. To this day, I don’t know if she said yes because she was sleep deprived and the ring was shiny or if she actually loved me.” Diego sighs dramatically, pouring himself another shot. Max is losing track of what shot number they are on and knows he needs to slow down if he is going to be driving. Based on the number of limes in front of each of them, he will probably be calling an uber. 

“Really? We have quickies before she leaves usually.” Max tries not to be smug that he finally has something Diego doesn’t have- Liz’s love and attention. Maria gasps on the other side of the bar as she walks by. Max’s tongue is starting to get loose and as one of Liz’s best friends, it is Maria’s job to rein him in. “Shhhh! Liz can’t know we’re talking about her. She’s scary when she’s mad.” 

“Hey, Max? Can I see your keys?” Maria asks innocently, taking the set of keys he offers her with the little cowboy alien on them. She will see how drunk they are when they are done but is prepared to call all three of them an Uber- or Liz.

Maria pulls out her phone and quickly texts Liz.

Maria: You might want to come get your boys.

Liz: Max and Diego? Why? Is Max doing karaoke again? 

Maria: Nope. Worse. 

Maria snaps a photo of all three men with empty shot glasses in front of them and an almost empty bottle of tequila. Max is leaning on Kyle to stay up and Diego is red eyed and crying. She quickly sends it to Liz.

Liz: OMG. I can leave in 30 if you keep them distracted. Why is Kyle there too? All they have in common is me. 

Maria: He was here first trying to find a liquor with no carbs. On it, girl.

“We would have been married by now, you know.” Diego sniffs, wiping a tear from his eye. “I don’t know why I’m crying. She was just so perfect.”

“She’s not perfect. She has flaws. It’s a facade to make her feel worthy of love. But I love her anyway, easily.” Max stares off dreamily thinking about his first kiss with Liz.

“Dude. I’ve heard this story already.” Kyle rolls his eyes. “The sunlight was perfect and you laid it all out and she kissed you.”

While the men are distracted, Maria refills their tequila bottle with water. “Shots?” She asks, refilling all their glasses with water. 

“This tequila tastes funny.” Diego sniffs it, then shrugs and takes the shot of water.

“I bought Liz a ring! It’s on hold at the jewelry store until I manage to get her ring size without waking her up.” Max blurts out, gesturing with his finger how he tries to tie something on her finger.

“She’s a size 5 aaaaaand one half.” Diego informs him helpfully.

“Thanks dude!” Max pulls out his phone and tries to text something under the bartop. Forgetting how to spell, he gives up and drops his head on Kyle’s shoulder. He feels sleepy.

————————-

At Liz’s voice, Max picks his head up off Kyle’s shoulder and beams at her. “Babe! I was jus tinking about you an you’re here!”

Liz shakes her head. “I sure am. Did you boys have fun talking about me?”

“She knows!” Diego looks around wide eyed. “How does she always know?”

Kyle hiccups, blinking at Liz. “She’s psychic.”

“‘Member what we all talked about? Shhhhh” Max puts his fingers to his lips and nods conspiratorially at his girlfriend's exes.

“Maria is the psychic. I just can’t imagine you men would have anything else in common to talk about.” Liz is trying to stay firm, but all three of them are a mess and she will definitely never forget the way they look right now. She is a little nervous about what they talked about but knows Max loves her unconditionally and isn’t too concerned. “Nobody is going to puke right? I’ll drop y’all off at home. Come on.”

“Their home, not ours right?” Max asks worriedly. He’s just gotten used to the idea of hanging with her past, he isn’t sure he can handle them in his house yet.

“Yes, babe.” Liz reassures him.

“And I get shotgun.” Max takes off for Liz’s car, bumping into a table on his way out and then slamming into the door.

Shaking her head, Liz rounds up the other two men and follows him. Nobody better puke in her car.


End file.
